Tomboy

Htin Lynn | ယခုဆောင်းပါးကို မြန်မာဘာသာဖြင့် ဖတ်ရှုရန် ဤနေရာတွင် နှိပ်ပါ

Cite as: 
Htin Lynn. (2024). Tomboy. Independent Journal of Burmese Scholarship, 4(2). https://ijbs.online/?page_id=4894


“Tomboy.”
“Pussyboy.”

Under these titles, up to this very age
What I’ve accomplished is
Only heartbreak and depression, Mother

How they came in
Without invitation
How they went off
Without spurn
How it, with innocence,
Bloomed
Only to be uprooted
How I even dared not to dare anymore
Breathe

Although I am afraid
That wounds would be forgotten
It is impossible
For their memories to vanish
Yet I also know
That no wounds heal
With ease

The rain poured, and the sun blazed, and the snow fell
With the turn of seasons
The heart in turn
Got wet and dripped and wept and missed
The head turned
To and from
Now and then
For it doesn’t want to miss
A single scene
Weeping continued without fear
Only when “clank clank” was no longer heard
A thought occurred:
That missing all the scenes
Would unburden my mind

But the agonizing afflictions were all
Lodged in my head
The accumulation of afflictions was
As if guns were all firing within my head
And some died here
And some fell there
And the heart—it took a direct hit

Oftentimes one cannot help but bear
That one doesn’t die easily
Many a time did I twitch a smile
Upon hearing
“Tomboys are tougher than femboys”

“Why not write poems?”
As if innocence could be regained
By pricking pain into poems
Wounds pierced and poked
Again and again
Scars stacked over smiles
Over and over
Fake love and fraudulent warmth
Which I want back
No more
Let alone support
I don’t even want to be asked
“Are you okay?”
To put it bluntly
I don’t want to hear ingratiating manners

I was filled with disgust
Time after time
I spat out my saliva
Time after time
I erased my name on the dates
Time after time
Let there be no remainder
Not even a shred
That is how much I wish to be free
And be liberated
Just as Htoo Eain Thin was his mother’s
Little pot of troubles
I am my mother’s
Little insubstantiality

I found myself moving to places where
Stars could be seen clearly and openly
It would be better sometimes
To simply fall away
Without anyone knowing
And I wish the nights to be long no longer.